Parashat Vayetze

Dedicated in Honor of my Eshet Chayil Wife and

My Beautiful Children by Sol Ayal

_______________________________________________________

Parashat Vayetze

Protect Your Head

After Yaakov received the bechora from Yitzchak, his brother Esav wanted to kill him. So, Rivkah told Yaakov to run away to her brother, Lavan in Charan until Esav calmed down. Parashat Vayetze begins with Yaakov traveling to Charan. Yaakov stopped to sleep at the site of what would become the Bet Hamikdash. Before he lay down, Yaakov placed twelve stones around his head to protect himself from wild animals. The midrash asks, how is putting twelve stones around his head going to protect him from wild animals?

One explanation is that Yaakov had to make a minimum hishtadlut—effort to protect himself from the animals, and not rely on a miracle. Chazal also answered that Yaakov’s journey and makeshift barrier symbolized a challenge B’nei Yisrael have in galut—exile. Jews must try to protect their minds from the wicked influence of society. We must know that we as a people are kedoshim—holy. The word kadosh also implies the separation of the Jewish people from the corrupt forces that surround them.

Stop Crying

When Yaakov reached Lavan’s home, the first person to greet him was Rachel. He made a deal with her father Lavan to work for seven years to marry her. Yaakov was warned about Lavan’s nature, and that he would probably try to trick him into marrying his older daughter Leah first. So, Yaakov gave Rachel special signs for the wedding night, to protect him from Lavan’s bait and switch.

When the night of the wedding arrived, Rachel felt sorry for her sister Leah, who would be destined for Esav, so she gave her the signs. Rachel was willing to sacrifice her love for Yaakov and her place as one of the mothers of Klal Yisrael, to protect her sister from a life of sadness.

About 1,000 years later, when Hashem wanted to destroy B’nei Yisrael along with the Bet Hamikdash, it’s said that all the avot went to Hashem crying and begging for mercy for the Jewish people. Their prayers were not answered. But when Rachel came to Hashem and cried, He told her, “Stop crying,” and answered her request. The reason for this was because when Rachel saw Leah’s tears when she realized she was supposed to marry Esav, she told Leah “Stop crying,” because she couldn’t bear her sister’s grief. She gave her the signs immediately, sacrificed her well-being, and therefore, Hashem did the same for Rachel.

Rachel’s Ultimate Chessed

Later on, Leah had four sons and Rachel was still childless. In this week’s parasha (30:14) a strange dialogue occurred. “Reuven went out in the days of the wheat harvest; he found duda’im in the field and brought them to Leah his mother. And Rachel said to Leah, ‘Please give me some of your son’s duda’im.’” Rachel was very unhappy that she didn’t have any children, and she wanted some of the duda’im for fertility purposes. But Leah replied, “Was you taking my husband insignificant? And now to take even my son’s duda’im!”

How could Leah be so ungrateful and insensitive to accuse Rachel, saying, “You took my husband, and now you also want my son’s duda’im?” Leah is the one who took Rachel’s husband!

For us to understand how Leah could say this to her sister Rachel, we must first realize the magnitude of the chessed that Rachel did for Leah. Rachel could have very easily made it a practice to remind Leah of the favor that she had done for her daily, but she didn’t. Because Rachel was so discreet in her generosity and kindness, Leah did not know that she was indebted to her. Not only had Rachel given Leah her husband, but she also never even told her what she had done! It is written in Shulchan Aruch that the highest form of chessed is helping someone anonymously, without bringing any attention. This is what Rachel Imenu did for her sister, Leah.

Rabbi Mansour also cites Mashechet Pesachim (8A), which teaches that if a person says, “I will give this coin to charity so that my son will live,” he is a tzaddik gamur – an exceptionally righteous person. Shouldn’t someone who gives charity with an ulterior motive be less righteous? The commentaries explain that this is someone who gives charity and wants to ensure that the recipient will not feel any shame in accepting his donation. He, therefore, tells the pauper that he – the donor – benefits from this charitable donation, because he has a sick child who may be cured in the merit of this mitzvah.

“Fortunate is the one who acts intelligently towards the poor person (Tehillim 41:2).” One who wishes to give charity intelligently will make sure the recipient will feel as though he is the giver.

There is a story about a man who purchased stacks of wood and placed them on his porch in front of his house. When he would meet a poor person, he would hire him to move the wood for him to the back of the house. When he would then upon another person in need, he would hire him to move the stacks back to the porch. In this way, he provided financial assistance to those who so desperately needed it, while preserving their dignity by having them feel that they earned the money, rather than receiving a handout.

Say “Thank You”

The Torah continues to tell us that when Leah gave birth to her fourth son, Yehudah, she said “This time I will give thanks to G-d (29:35).” The Midrash says that Leah “acquired for herself” the attribute of giving thanks, and that her descendants continued to emulate her attribute of thanksgiving.

Rav Hutner points out that the Hebrew word hoda’ah has two meanings: admitting and giving thanks. The blessing of thanksgiving in the amidah begins with the words “Modim anahnu lah.” Rav Hutner says that the literal translation of these words is not “We thank You,” but rather, “We admit to You.”

A person’s ability to give thanks is based on his ability to admit that he is incomplete. If a person gives thanks to someone, it indicates that the other’s favors and kindness were needed. This is why it is so difficult sometimes for us to say thank you, because it is difficult for us to admit that we are lacking.

The greater the gifts that we receive from someone, the more difficult it is to say thank you, because a greater gift indicates a greater need. It is challenging to thank our parents and our spouses because we need them so much, they have given us so much, and we are incomplete without them. In order to say thank you, a person must have the ability to admit that he is less than perfect.

Guided by our Gedolim

There was a father in Eretz Yisrael who had an older son that was not married. He decided that the time had come for him to go to The Gadol Hador Rabbi Chaim Kanievsky to receive a Beracha for his son to find his match. The father waited on the long line of many people wanting to receive their blessing from the Great Holy Sage. His turn finally came, and he received the famous quick and short acronym “Buha.”

The father, feeling that he needed more than that, decided to go back to the front of the line and get another turn. And again, he received a “Buha.” The father replied, “But my son is older and not married.” Rabbi Chaim Kanievsky answered, “Generator” and the man was then moved along for other people on the line to get their turn.

The man was so confused and couldn’t understand what the cryptic message “Generator” meant from The Gadol Hador. He went to his Rabbi to see if he could help him shed some light and understand what Reb Chaim was telling him.

The Rabbi told him, we are both Sepharadim and we hold like Hacham Ovadia Yosef in reference to generators on Shabbat. Rabbi Chaim Kanievsky holds like his uncle, The Chazon Ish, who held that they are not allowed to use the public electric company on Shabbat, because Jewish workers work on Shabbat at the utility company thereby desecrating the Holy Shabbat. Hacham Ovadia Yosef holds that the utility company and the Israeli government run the grid for hospital and other government institution, so an individual person is an afterthought and using very little and what’s already there.

The father decided to take upon himself the instruction of Rabbi Chaim Kanievsky and use only a personal generator in his home on Shabbat for the merit of his son to find his mate and get married.

Several months later this man and his family planned to go away for Shabbat to Teveria, and they booked an apartment which had a private generator. Driving on their way to Teveria on Friday, the family hit major traffic and realized they would not make it to Teveria in time for Shabbat. They realized they had no choice but to somehow stay in the city they were now in for Shabbat. They started searching for where they can stay and came across a religious family that was very gracious and warmly inviting them to stay by them and host them for all the Shabbat meals.

The father realized even with this great chessed and hospitality of this wonderful family there was still a problem, as per the instruction The Gadol Hador he took upon himself to only use private generators on Shabbat. He quickly devised a plan and told the hosts that his family does NOT eat hot food or cold drinks, they only eat or drink room temperature food and beverages. The father of the home replied, “Sure whatever you want.”

The mother of the household, being a smart woman, realized that there is more to this story, because who does not eat hot food and cold drinks on purpose. So, she asked, “What is going on, what is the real story? No one by design eats cold food and hot drinks.”

Having no choice the guest father answered, “We only use a private generator on Shabbat.” To which the host father answered, “Well you’re in luck, because we are the only household in this entire town that has a private generator.”

It was truly a beautiful Shabbat and later on that evening, when everyone started to get more comfortable which each other, the host asked the guest, “Why is it that you use a generator on Shabbat?” The guest answered, by telling over that they had an older unmarried son and told the story of the cryptic generator message from Rabbi Chaim Kanievsky.

The hosting father asked, “How old is your son?” when he received his answer, “He replied, well we have an older daughter that is not married.”

The two children met and within a short period of time ended up getting married.

May we all protect our heads like Yaakov and be able to stay separate from the corruption in the world in these trying times. May we go through life intending to help our friends in need, but carefully and discreetly, to avoid any embarrassment to them, like Rachel Imenu. May we find the strength to listen to our Rabbis to guide us. May we also be sensitive and reach out to another Jew in need, even though we don’t know them, because we all come from the same family. K’ish echad b’lev echad.

Shabbat Shalom!

Rabbi Amram Sananes, written by Jack Rahmey

Discussion Point:



Do we know of anybody who did a big chessed without the recipient knowing who helped them, or even that they were helped at all?

Download Document

Le’ilui Nishmat…

Eliyahu Ben Rachel

Rabbi Shimon Chay Ben Yaasher

Avraham Ben Garaz

Sarah Bat Chanah

Esther Bat Sarah

Avraham Ben Mazal

Shulamit Bat Helaina

Rabbi Meyer Ben Chana

Rahamim Ben Mazal

Batsheva Bat Sarah Esther

Rafael Ben Miriam

Ovadia Ben Esther

Rav Haim Ben Rivka

Moshe Ben Mazal

Moshe Ben Yael

Yitzchak Ben Adele

Avraham Ben Mazal

Meir Ben Latifa

Chanah Bat Esther

Yaakov Ben Rachel

Malka Bat Garaz

Moshe Ben Garaz

Avraham Ben Kami

Yaakov Ben Leah

Mordechai Ben Rachel

Chacham Shaul Rachamim Ben Mazal

Natan Ben Rachel

Saadia Ben Miriam

Eliyah Ben Latifa Simhon

Margalit Bat Mazal

Ovadia Haim Ben Malaky

Rabbi Aharon Chaim Ben Ruchama

Luratte Bat Masouda

Esther Bat Menucha

Uri Ben Rahel

Rivka Bat Dona

Shalom Ben Zahra

Rachel Bat Sarah

Shalom Ben Zahra

Chava Yvette Bat Jamile

Refuah Shelemah…

Rachel Bat Devorah

Anyone interested in dedicating this Divre Torah Le'ilui Nishmat or Refuah Shelemah or In Honor of someone, can email me at

jrahmey@rahmeyfinancial.com. Checks can be made out to “A Life of Torah” for $101 and mailed to 2387 Ocean Ave Suite 1G, Brooklyn, NY 11229 (please put in the memo “Divre Torah”). Anyone interested in past parshiot please go to the website ParashaPerspective.org